Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
