So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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