Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize