I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
