Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize