Swine flu. Run for my life!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize