I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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