I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
