I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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