nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
