so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
