Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
