hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
