Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
