he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
