i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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