Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
