hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
