i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize