All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
worst night to have a conscience
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
