whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
