Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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