i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
