I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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