You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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