the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude i'm inner monologue high
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize