that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
