i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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