I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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