Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
