She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize