connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize