think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Too much gin, very little bucket
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
