He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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