so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
