just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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