He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
