I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
