She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
