you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
