Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
