i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
