If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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