is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
