You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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