Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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