her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
