as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
