mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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