Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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