Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
