i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
3pm strippers are depressing
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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