ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
