Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
