It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
