and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
