I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
