I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
