I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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