I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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