That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So squirting runs in the family.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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