Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
