Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
