I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dicks are not precious.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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