community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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