Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
