is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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